Actual Useful Advice From a 20-Something Year Old

I’m really sick of those cliché articles crafted for 20-something year olds that that one friend will send you that’s called:“It’s Okay to Be Lost at 24!” or “That Guy You’re Seeing Isn’t Really That Into You and That’s Okay!” and your friend will write to you “Omg read this, it’s so true!”

In absolute spite of those blogs, I wrote my own list of advice that I find way more valuable than any of the “Live, Laugh, Love” bullsh*t you’ll find on the world-wide web.

#01: Live. Laugh. Love.

Just kidding.

Come on now. As if we all haven’t seen this enough in sparkly letters hanging in female dorm rooms.

live

#02: Don’t Keep up With the Kardashians

Every time someone “keeps up” with the Kardashians, a book dies. I’m pretty certain that family is just a bunch of good-looking robots that all of our grade 6 English teachers created to subconsciously remind us to stay in school and not make sex tapes.

gif

#03: Know Who Your Friends Are

Those girls that write on your Facebook wall: “Can we pleeeeeeeeease do something soon?! I haven’t seen you in forever!!” are probably not your friends.

#04: Don’t Shop at Brandy Melville

Why shop there when you can rob a homeless person for free!

Their clothes are garbage and you know it.

trash

#05: Stop Saying “On Fleek”

Your eyebrows are not “on fleek,” they are on your face. That is all.

Screen Shot 2015-09-02 at 11.06.18 AM

#06: Live in the Now

But only because soon you’ll wake up and find yourself in a Canadian Tire wearing Crocs worrying about which stick man family to buy for your Dodge Caravan.

van

#07: If you wake up after a car accident with tragic amnesia and Channing Tatum is your husband, don’t question it.

(Yes, I recently watched “The Vow” on TV.)

channing

#08: Always Be Yourself, UNLESS you’re a:

  • Pedophile
  • Terrorist
  • Murderer
  • Bob Saget
  • Someone who pronounces Monday as “Mondi”
  • All-round terrible person

#09: Never Trust Girls With Bangs

They’re always hiding something. (Their foreheads! Hehehehe)

#10: Never Text and Drive

You don’t want your last words on this Earth to be a text to your friend Kim that says “Lol kk”

#11: Respect Yourself

Nothing brings all the boys to the yard faster than some good old-fashioned self-respect.

And milkshakes.

Mostly milkshakes.

#12: Never Trust Anyone that Skis in Jeans

Probably not all that relevant to your life, but seriously, these people are the worst. They knew there’d be snow but here they are in jeans!

ski

#13: Stay Weird

Seriously. Stop trying to be cool, and just be.

Disclaimer: in the process of remaining weird, still don’t ski in jeans.

Also, this still doesn’t mean you should disobey Advice #04 and buy this hat from Brandy Melville…

ariana

#14: Accept Your Mom’s Friend Request on Facebook

Ha! Just kidding. You must never ever do this.

mom

#15: Don’t Let Lists You Find Online Tell You How To Live Your Life

Plot twist!

internet

Seriously though, who am I to give you advice? I’m just some 20-something year old writing this in her underwear while eating Nutella.

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