Step 1: Put on your Netflix-watching-pants and text 8 of your closest friends saying that you’re having a “Much needed Netflix night” because they care.

Step 2: Watch Making a Murderer.

Step 3: Post about it online aggressively. No social media platform should be forgotten. No MySpace account? Slide a quick DM to Tom and get that activated. Forget posting that you went to the gym today, there’s no time for that!!!

Step 4: Ask everyone you see if they’ve seen it. It’s important to know if the cashier at the No Frills you pretend you don’t go to knows that you have an opinion about something. Don’t get sloppy and forget to say the word “affidavit” in conversation. You didn’t stay up past 1 am Googling legal jargon to not pretend you know what it means.

Step 5: Gasp in agony if no one has watched it because this is the single worst thing that’s ever happened to you and your family.

Step 6: Write a Facebook status about your position regarding the outcome of the trial while completely acknowledging that it is a Netflix show and that your status won’t change anything about anything, except for maybe your respect in the online community. (MySpace Tom will judge.)

Step 7: Sign a petition that makes about as much sense as calling small candies “fun sized*,” because you know everything because you watched a Netflix documentary and studied law since, well, episode 1.

(* Ain’t nothin’ fun about small candy.)

Step 8: I will then murder you all.

Step 9: Congratulations!

Step 10: There you go. There’s a murderer. You made a murderer. You’re amazing. Really going places in life.

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