How Everyone Became an Expert on Having Opinions

You know when you text a friend and they take a few hours to answer and you find yourself thinking: “What could you possibly be doing right now? You Snapchat every time the wind blows and you even double-tap lame posts of red #Starbucks cups while in the bathroom. Why aren’t you answering?!”

Naturally, when this happens I assume for about 2.5 minutes (that’s how long I’m capable of caring) that said person murdered someone and they’re now spending their time covering up said murder and well, if they’ve seen practically any action movie ever in their dear little lives, they’ve already dramatically thrown their cell phone into a conveniently close large body of water so that no one (me) can reach them and consequently leaving hundreds of Instagram posts of red #Starbucks cups with one less “like.” Unfortunate, really.

throwing phone

Well, I just figured out what these friends of ours are really doing!

When they’re not answering your really important texts about the last episode of The Walking Dead or opening your Snapchat of your cat doing something she does just about every damn minute of every damn day, it seems to me that they have been taking courses on theology and world politics and becoming extremely well versed in the history of the entire world and everyone living on it!!

Not to mention they’ve somehow been to every country of the world which leaves me to believe that along with mastering the ways of the world and forming unbiased, deeply educated opinions in a short matter of time, they’ve also simultaneously created the first ever successfully working time machine that can transport them across the globe to any decade faster than you can say Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte!!

If you’re not at least slightly smirking at the possibility of this truth,

you are:

 A) My mother, who just got on The Facebook Machine and still has no idea how to use it so she’s missed out on these public displays of opinions about the entire world and everyone living on it; OR

B) Not finding my writing funny at all, which is okay! Just quickly Google whatever it is you find funny (you cold-hearted monster you) then return to this blog with a stolen smile on your face and proceed;

C) You are in fact one of these opinionated geniuses who invented the time machine.

If so, please call me, I want in on this.

I’m an aspiring copywriter and can help you market this wildly intelligent device. “What Happens in the Future Stays in the Future” Eh? Eh??

I can do better, I promise.

Anyway, I’m not one of these people BUT I’ve decided to jump on board the Opinions Train and give the world some of mine that may be a tad different than the ones you’ve seen shared on Facebook as of recently. Different in that they’re way more honest, positive, and well, they (hopefully) won’t start any more arguments.

In my opinion:

  1. Balloons are really just plastic bags of breath.

  2. The roof of your mouth is more of a ceiling.

  3. Running is just walking, but faster. And terrible.

  4. If Taylor Swift were an item of clothing, she’d be overalls.

  5. You’re only an adult when your phone stops autocorrecting f*** to “duck”.

  6. It’s unfair that we call strangers “perfect” when we haven’t even met them yet.

  7. Babies should not be trusted. Why do you think baby monitors exist?!

  8. Babies are just little drunk adults that provide absolutely nothing to the conversation.

  9. Collecting Beanie Babies was a government conspiracy that got us nowhere in life.

  10. If Macaulay Caulkin was my son, I’d leave him home alone too.

  11. Saying “ball” instead of “basketball” will eventually get you less “but you’re white” shifty looks and you will in turn become 28% cooler to your peers.

  12. The trend of girls wearing high waisted jean shorts was created by an evil woman-hating alien sent to Earth from the far-off planet of Patriarchy to brainwash young human girls into thinking their high-waisted-jean-short-created-Mom-Butts look great, ultimately leading them to attract a husband and fall into a 1950s housewife role.

  13. Global warming isn’t real.

    (Just kidding about that last one. DON’T BE RIDICULOUS.)

Okay, I’m done now. You can all go back to building time machines and what not.

How To Daughter

Girl’s innocent mother tries to add her on Facebook…. What happens next, you won’t believe…

Sorry. I’ve always wanted to write that for an article like the mediocre ones shared on the Facebook machine.

I have been trolling my mom since 1991 when I decided to be a premature baby.

Surprise Mom! You thought you were having a November baby but I heard that you were gonna call me Holly so I abandoned-womb and popped out a couple months early.

No, Holly McCarroll does not have a “certain ring” to it.

Anyway, I have compiled my Mom Trollings into one blog because: a) I’m avoiding having to help make the turkey dinner which is obviously why you’re here as well while you use your “but I have so much homework” excuse, b) I have no social life, and, c) Refer back to b)

Mom, if you’re reading this, in my defence the following moments of pure trolling on your behalf were motivated by:

#1: Making me wear fanny packs to camp.

#2: Making me wear socks when we all know they’re FOOT PRISONS.

#3: Keeping your sewing kit in a cookie tin thus resulting in lifelong trust issues that I’m still coping with.

I will never trust a cookie tin again. Even when my mind tells me “There are definitely delicious moist chocolate chunk cookies in that tin, the evidence adds up: it even has cookies on the label and it’s in the grocery store!” my heart still says no, no Shannon, it’s probably just various coloured strings, those weird tiny scissors and an absurd amount of needles you know you’ll prick your finger on. EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS A FILTHY LIE.

Here’s some of my revenge.

A.K.A How To Daughter.

(Yes, Daughter is a verb now.)

Disclaimer: No moms were hurt in the filming of these videos

Recently I found out that my mom was finally taking the techno-plunge and activating a Facebook account like all the other cooler Debbies she’s friends with. I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming. Last week I watched as she downloaded Candy Crush, of course Facebook was next on her evil, evil to-download list.

As I said in a previous blog full of brilliant advice…

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I took my own advice and took care of this issue in the most mature, dignified and respectful manor I could possibly manage. I created a fake Facebook account so she’d never see my true identity and pulled off the ultimate mom-troll.

Do other people do this too? Or does everyone just not spend their spare time wearing a Batman mask scaring their parental guardians? Should I just start watching Netflix and like, having friends and all that stuff like normal people do?Should I start worrying about the fact that I even have a Batman mask?? Ah, whatever.

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Here is Shannon P. McCarroll in all her academic glory:

My generous friends (and admittedly some people I have never met before who I assume must’ve added me in the hopes of joining the book club I’m pretending to be apart of… sorry) went along with my alter ego’s existence by writing sweet G rated comments on my new Facebook wall:

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All in all, it worked. Now my mom will never have to see what I actually wore for Halloween last year. (I was a mouse, duh.) I assure you, that would have had her screaming louder than in any of those scare videos…

Moral of the story is, I’m safe for another year of PG-13 Facebook posts, or at least until she reaches her next level of Mom tech-knowledge and finds the real me. Or I guess until she reads this blog post…

S*it.

Generation Offended

I almost guarantee that there are a large portion of people who read the title of this and were all like: “Hey we’re not always offended by stuff!!” and then that little voice in their head was like “Shhhh this is irony, we talked about this.”

There’s a huge difference between having a problem with the way things are and doing something about it, and just flat out being offended by things you think you know about from that one college seminar where you spent the whole class harvesting your crops on Farmville, or that Huffington Post article you scanned that told you to be offended about something.

I really wish I could just bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy. But realistically someone would have a “rainbow-intolerance” and some other kid would say that “smiles are racist” and that happiness is hard because I didn’t acknowledge the struggles of “introverts.”

And someone would probably yell: “She doesn’t even go here.” Which is true.

feelings

We are a generation filled with people who take offence easily but that’s not always a bad thing. In fact, if the opinions are valid and educated, carry on with your Facebook comment wars (that I admittedly will read 8 times out of 10) BUT here are the very offended OR offensive kind of people who, well, offend me.

#01: Keyboard Warriors

I never EVER want to be alone in a dark alleyway with one of those people who argues on celebrities’ Instagram pictures. “Leave Kim alone, she’s stressed lately!” Hey @BiebsLover69_xox, you need a hobby. May I suggest rollerblading? It’s fun and sexy and honestly, it’s true what they don’t say; the hardest part about rollerblading is signing so many autographs. It’s also a great way to embarrass the weight off!

And no, I am not calling you overweight…

Great, now there’s gonna be an anti-rollerblade support group for this person I just invented.

When people make racist or sexist Instagram comments or Facebook statuses, I do this crazy UNHEARD of thing: I unfriend them. Then I silently hope they suffer a gluten-intolerance in the near future.

Which brings me to my next point…

#02: Gluten

Gluten is the cause of all evil within our generation. Move aside historical tyrants and measly World Wars, have you met Gluten? As of recently, the most hated figure in the first world comes in the form of a slice of Wonderbread, and not even just the end pieces.

How do you think Gluten feels?? It’s bullied so much lately, it probably eats a box of Krispy Kreme donuts at night before crying itself to sleep. It offends me how offended people are about gluten.

Imagine if people got as passionate about solving the issue of homelessness as they do for disgusting gluten-free snacks?

#03: #SorryNotSorry

Saying “Sorry Not Sorry” is just a fancy way of saying “Hey I’m an asshole.” Adding #SorryNotSorry is not a cloak of invisibility that blinds people to your horrible words you filthy muggle. But then again, maybe I just don’t understand the “sorry not sorry” feeling, as I am always sorry… If someone were to stab me in the stomach with a pitchfork, I’d probably apologize for bleeding on their presumably nice shoes.

(I dunno why I said pitchfork, I’ve got Shrek on the brain, like all normal human beings do on Friday nights, right? Right?)

Great, now nice shoes everywhere are going to be offended that I said their owners would stab me.

#04: “I Don’t Care What People Think”

People who say: “I don’t care what people think” ALWAYS care what people think, almost even more so than the average caring human people. Caring what people think makes you a human being. Just don’t care too much, or you’ll wind up keyboard warrioring all over someone’s Facebook post that bashes a movie you only half-liked.

This line is just as good as: “I’m really honest”… Okay mam, would you like a medal for being a total prick? Everyone else is just as honest, but inside their own heads. You proudly advertising your “honesty” is just you justifying how big of a prick you are.

The woman who made the Dear Fat People video is one of these “I don’t care what people think” kind of people. I’m not going to keyboard warrior all over this topic, but I must say that one of the most offending things of this video, was that she is being called a comedian…

#05: Netflix

Are you still watching?” YES I’M STILL WATCHING. What did you think happened? After watching 45 episodes in a row I decided by the 46th that I’d “go get some fresh air?” What do you think I am, Netflix? Someone who likes fresh air? That’s offensive. Maybe instead of asking if I’m still watching, you could maybe ask me if I want a new snack, or maybe if my drink needs a refill, or my pillows need a fluffing. Ugh, now my pillows really do need fluffing. God Netflix, you can be so selfish sometimes.

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At the end of the day, is it really the worst thing in the world that we’re sensitive and easily offended? No, not really but it sure is annoying and simultaneously highly entertaining.

Overly offended people, are you a software update? ‘Cause not now. 

Why You Shouldn’t Keep Your Cool

I’ve struggled with this very serious/real/concerning problem for as long as I can remember. Why can’t I be cool? Why can’t I just rock some clean white converse shoes and say “doe” at the end of sentences without laughing? Why can’t I call Toronto “the 6ix” like everyone else? I don’t even know what a “fitted” hat means. uncoolBefore writing this, I came home and found my mom in the kitchen entertaining her friend who was nearly having a heart attack from laughing as she aggressively was stretching her face and saying: “look how good I’d look with Botox!!

And that’s when it hit me.

A napkin, that is. She must’ve thrown it at me when she saw me zone out upon making my discovery.

My mom is a teacher and every Friday, the teachers take turns bringing in desserts… My mom brings fruit….

I was raised by a severely uncool parent.

My mom, the woman that thinks she’s all high and mighty ’cause she doesn’t pee in the shower, is the reason I cannot be cool.

I’ve composed some evidence in the form of real life quotations from my mother that I’ve recorded through the year to support my cause:

#01: “That’s it. Book Club is cancelled and I don’t even care!!” – My Mom, the thug.

#02: “I’m wearing my indoor shoes OUTside, so no, I’m not happy.” – My Mom, in Costco.

#03: “Why do you even need friends when there’s a library just around the corner?” My Mom, owns-library-card-and-is-not-afraid-to-use-it.

#04: Her thoughts on drinking: “I’ve never done alcohol, and I sure don’t need it to have fun!” – My Mom, Straight Outta Book Club.

#05: “Do your friends still say ‘emo’”? – My Mom, sending a text message to her friend Mary. Nothing says “I have 3 degrees!” like my mom sending a text…

#06: “Shannon, if anyone is rude to you, you tell them that your mom says you do not tolerate rudeness!” – My Mom, the comeback queen.

#07: “Breaking Bad?? Sounds better than breaking wind am I right?” – My Mother, the comedian.

#08: “Vegans are people that eat gross little nuts and never stop talking about it.” – My Mom, the dietician.

#09: “There’s no nature in Vegas, so I don’t know how it’s ‘awesome‘ ” – My Mom, the party animal.

#10: “Are you an animal? You didn’t put the cap on the toothpaste. I don’t know who you are. Who raised you?!” – My Mom, being dead serious.

#11: “This is the kind of moment where I’d definitely say the ‘s’ word!” – My Mom, the potty mouth.

#12: “Ouuu I LOVE Downton Abbey” – My Mom, when no one is even remotely on the topic of Downton Abbey.

#13: My way-too-vulgar Mom sets the internet password…

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All of this nonsense aside, my mom dances like nobody’s watching,

and now so do I.

Literally. 

I literally dance while driving just to make that sad looking guy smile in the Corolla beside me. So sue me if I’m not cool. (You do have my permission to sue me if I rear end you whilst dancing doe… Ahhh look Mom! I used “doe” in a sentence! Maybe there’s hope for me after all!”)

My oddball Mom is right, laughter is the key to life, even if it comes at the expense of some AWFUL mom jokes. I wish I listened to my mom and abandoned the “being cool” thing years ago and spent more time dancing in other people’s rear view mirrors.

All in all, I was raised by a pack of goofs, and I’m pretty proud of it.

Generation Y the F Are You Saying this?

Dear young people, and those “cooler” adults who still wear jeggings, if you say and/or do these things, kindly Sway and Nay Nay, or whatever, off a cliff.

#01: Festivals

Let’s be honest, you paid $800 for this weekend so you could get at least one good picture of you “living in the moment” on some sweaty guy named Tevin’s shoulders.

Proceeds from these festivals should probably go to all the guys that pretended to be strong enough to support you and your selfie stick. 

Also, you had this outfit planned for 4 months and I hate you for it.

festival

#02: “The 6ix”

Stop calling Toronto something remotely cool. We had a crack smoking mayor, it always smells like cheese, and everywhere you go something wet is bound to drip on you and it’s NEVER rain… but yeah, replacing the “S” in “six” with the number 6 will solve all of these problems!

#03: “Bae”

Other generations took slavery out of their countries. Our’s took the letter “b” out of “babe” and it started a revolution. The popularity of this word is about as stupid and confusing as Pharrell’s weird giant Arby’s hat. 

pharra

#04: Kylie Jenner

Given this recent obsession, you’d think she was an old, wise brain wizard who single-handedly cured cancer, or wrote a better ending to Dexter or something. But, nope, she just inspired a bunch of girls to suck their lips into bottle caps and tie flannel shirts around their waists. #Hero

(#04 b)

Special shoutout to flannel shirts being tied on waists. Are you going to throw that on later and go cut down some wood so that a small family living in a cabin can be kept warm at night? I didn’t think so.

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#05: “I can’t even”

NO JESSICA, YOU CAN EVEN AND YOU WILL EVEN

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#06: “Rise and grind”

Unless you live in a third world country and you have to travel 5 miles to get jugs of clean water that you carry on your head every morning, then “rise and grind” doth not apply to you, sir. Waking up at 9 to go to your well paying job or to the gym does not entitle you to brag about your difficult life of paycheques and mirror selfies.

#07: “I like him as a person…”

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Would you like him more as a cat?

#08: Eyebrows 

This year we’ve decided to be obsessed with eyebrows that are “on fleek/point!” I hope next year we’re obsessed with, like, elbows. I’ve got some nice elbows. Never ashy too.

#09: “White Girl Wasted”

Do people still say this? Well, if so: shout out to you girls that strive to get so drunk that you lose your Payless heels, throw up on your friend, cry about your lost iPhone that’s in your hand, text your ex, eat a burrito, and then hit up the gym the next morning for some cardio like it ain’t no thang.

#10: Fetty Wap

Okay, what’s a “Fetty Wap”? If I’m not mistaken, it is a rare disease that is carried by tropical birds. Is there a vaccination for it?

Actual Useful Advice From a 20-Something Year Old

I’m really sick of those cliché articles crafted for 20-something year olds that that one friend will send you that’s called:“It’s Okay to Be Lost at 24!” or “That Guy You’re Seeing Isn’t Really That Into You and That’s Okay!” and your friend will write to you “Omg read this, it’s so true!”

In absolute spite of those blogs, I wrote my own list of advice that I find way more valuable than any of the “Live, Laugh, Love” bullsh*t you’ll find on the world-wide web.

#01: Live. Laugh. Love.

Just kidding.

Come on now. As if we all haven’t seen this enough in sparkly letters hanging in female dorm rooms.

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#02: Don’t Keep up With the Kardashians

Every time someone “keeps up” with the Kardashians, a book dies. I’m pretty certain that family is just a bunch of good-looking robots that all of our grade 6 English teachers created to subconsciously remind us to stay in school and not make sex tapes.

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#03: Know Who Your Friends Are

Those girls that write on your Facebook wall: “Can we pleeeeeeeeease do something soon?! I haven’t seen you in forever!!” are probably not your friends.

#04: Don’t Shop at Brandy Melville

Why shop there when you can rob a homeless person for free!

Their clothes are garbage and you know it.

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#05: Stop Saying “On Fleek”

Your eyebrows are not “on fleek,” they are on your face. That is all.

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#06: Live in the Now

But only because soon you’ll wake up and find yourself in a Canadian Tire wearing Crocs worrying about which stick man family to buy for your Dodge Caravan.

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#07: If you wake up after a car accident with tragic amnesia and Channing Tatum is your husband, don’t question it.

(Yes, I recently watched “The Vow” on TV.)

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#08: Always Be Yourself, UNLESS you’re a:

  • Pedophile
  • Terrorist
  • Murderer
  • Bob Saget
  • Someone who pronounces Monday as “Mondi”
  • All-round terrible person

#09: Never Trust Girls With Bangs

They’re always hiding something. (Their foreheads! Hehehehe)

#10: Never Text and Drive

You don’t want your last words on this Earth to be a text to your friend Kim that says “Lol kk”

#11: Respect Yourself

Nothing brings all the boys to the yard faster than some good old-fashioned self-respect.

And milkshakes.

Mostly milkshakes.

#12: Never Trust Anyone that Skis in Jeans

Probably not all that relevant to your life, but seriously, these people are the worst. They knew there’d be snow but here they are in jeans!

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#13: Stay Weird

Seriously. Stop trying to be cool, and just be.

Disclaimer: in the process of remaining weird, still don’t ski in jeans.

Also, this still doesn’t mean you should disobey Advice #04 and buy this hat from Brandy Melville…

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#14: Accept Your Mom’s Friend Request on Facebook

Ha! Just kidding. You must never ever do this.

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#15: Don’t Let Lists You Find Online Tell You How To Live Your Life

Plot twist!

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Seriously though, who am I to give you advice? I’m just some 20-something year old writing this in her underwear while eating Nutella.

Friend or Phone?

 Are all my Friends Secretly Just Cell Phones?

I recently made a startling discovery that I must share with whoever out there still reads written work longer than 140 characters. You people are heroes. Heroes that fall somewhere on The Hero Spectrum with Caitlyn Jenner and all firefighters… we shall let the educated keyboard warriors of the internet decide where exactly on said spectrum you land.

Recently my mom pointed out something that I had been wondering for a while. This startled me because I will never see eye to eye with my mom. Because, first of all, she’s taller than me, (hehehehe) and she also takes fanny packs seriously, like very seriously. Like, “Shannon, just wear one of my fanny packs to school, then you won’t have to worry about losing your keys!” level of serious, and yes, unfortunately she has more than one fanny pack.

Proof: 

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This conversation with my mom happens just about every day. We’ll be in the kitchen and she’ll ask me about my day and if anything interesting happened, to which I’ll reply “nope” while simultaneously texting 8 of my closest friends various: OMG”s and LOL”s and That’s insane, how could he do such a thing?!?! with no expression at all across my face.

The most recent time my mother and I were in this situation, she said to me: I don’t get it, what do you even have to say to each other on that thing? [that thing being my phone] Do you ever wonder if you’re just friends with a bunch of cellphones? To this I probably just laughed and walked away to be alone in my room with my phone full of friends.

And that’s when it hit me. My mom was right. Something I thought I’d never say since the whole “fanny packs are cool” debacle started circa 1998.

How many of my friends are just…Androids and iPhones? Are we slowly morphing into our cell phones? And more importantly, does this mean that fanny packs really are cool after all???

Lately, after I hang out with someone and we both get back into our separate cars, I’ll look to see what they do when they get into their car. 9 times out of 10, they take out their phone and quickly type out a short 1000 word novel about our interaction and how nice my hair looked, I presume. This person is usually that friend that will have little to say to you during a car ride, drop you off and then linger in your driveway before backing away and will sit there with their car running, sending 40 paragraph-style texts to 5 different friends.

That friend is a phone.

So, naturally, I did a little more research to get to the bottom of this and here are 7 sins, ahem, I mean signs that will show you whether:

A) You prefer your phone to your friends, and/or

B) You are morphing into your cell phone.

Sign #01: Your Phone Looks Like You

Now, we’ve all seen those people that look just like their pets. Well, take a look at your phone and tell me that it’s not a spitting image of you. And no, I don’t mean when the front camera is turned on and facing you…

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Sometimes me and my iPhone have matching mustard stains on us. Is this a coincidence? I think not. Maybe the reason my phone is messy and likes mustard just as much as I do, is because we are slowly morphing into the same being. 

Sign #02: Your Right Hand is a Phone

I haven’t seen the birth of a baby recently, or ever for that matter, so can anyone confirm if babies come equipped with a phone in their hand and an expensive 3-year phone contract these days when born?? I assume so. If you put down your phone consciously, and then all of a sudden find that you’re scrolling through your Instagram newsfeed, well, your phone might now be attached to your hand and you are probably morphing into your phone, and you should probably see a doctor. Which you won’t do, because your doctor’s office doesn’t have Wifi.

Sign #03: No One LOLs at Your Jokes In Real Life

Ever have that Earth shattering moment where you text your friend something funny from across the room and they send back a: “LMAO” but they don’t even crack the slightest bit of a smile? Yeah, me neither… But seriously, this might lead you to prefer phones than humans because texting a joke to a phone, rather than saying it to a human friend, will probably guarantee you an apparent Laugh Out Loud response.

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Sign #04: When Your Phone Dies, A Part of You Dies

When your phone gets down to 5% battery life, and you turn off your data, do you ever find yourself with no hope left and suddenly your in robes from the Victorian era and you’re somehow churning butter?? This is a sure fit sign that you are morphing into a cell phone, since without it, you have no idea how to live in modern day society.

It also means that your family will always have a plethora of good hearty butter.

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Sign #05: Your Snapchat Story is Longer than Kim Kardashian’s First Marriage

We’ve all seen these never ending Snapchat stories that we complain about, then proceed to click through till the end. Ironically, most of the time, these snaps are strategically planned, detail-oriented pictures you take of yourself when you’re bored (about 80 times over to get the perfect shot) with the sole goal of looking like you’re effortlessly cool and do exciting things. I’m someone who knows this first hand because I have a pool, which if you didn’t know, is code for: perfect summer Snapchat opportunities! 

No offence to my human and phone friends alike, but none of you have ever come over for a swim without Snapchatting the perfect picture of your legs tanning beside my pool…

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If you tanned by a pool and didn’t Snapchat it… did it even really happen at all?

If you are one of these people who can’t experience something without snapping it for other phone friends to see, then you probably enjoy spending time with your phone than those around you.

#06: If U Skipped the Rest of this & Only Read this 1 B/C it’s the Shortest, Ur Prob a Phone Because Only Phones Like 140 Characters or Less

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Finally,

#7. Followers and Likes are Genuinely Important to You

We all know social media is a huge part of our lives today… so much so that writing that makes me yawn, and now that makes you yawn too. The way I see it, is that other generations overcame wars, famine, etc, while MY generation mastered the selfie and not to mention, also bravely discovered that in life, you only live ONE time (YOLO)… No idea how the world lived without knowing this. They probably walked around thinking they had many more lives to live than one. LOL @ them. But on a serious note, when did having a boat load of “followers” turn from “Call 9-11” to “OMG you’re famous!” It’s a weird world out there, one that supports that it’s totally okay to post an edited picture of your face with an irrelevant song lyric that we all know is only there to strategically distract viewers from realizing how absurdly ego centric that truly is!

insta

Woah! How did that get there??!!

But anyway, if you catch yourself truly caring about the number of people that, probably half the time accidentally, double-click on a meaningless picture of you, you’re probably morphing into a phone AND you probably prefer phones to friends.funny cause it's true

Also, if you start yelling “LIKE” at innocent people in the street who are wearing cute outfits and white converse shoes, then you are probably addicted to social media and ergo are probably morphing into your cell phone. 

Mom, if you figured out how to use “The Google” and are reading this, fanny packs are still not cool. You were only right about the one thing, okay?

Okay, I rest my case. 

All in all, I hope we can stop ourselves from becoming our phones, but it may be too… sorry, hold that thought… I GTG. So many texts I didn’t respond to while writing this.